Billy Graham: Blind to Faults

Dear Rev. Graham: My boyfriend and I are talking about marriage, but he worries me sometimes because he'll never admit he's wrong — even when he clearly is. He always blames someone else for his problems, and never admits they might be his fault. Should I be concerned? — K.H.

KH should be very concerned. If this relationship is to progress to marriage, it is almost a guarantee that her boyfriend will eventually start blaming KH for things, if he hasn't already. This can be very damaging to a relationship, and if they should marry I fear that it would end up either being unhappy or a short lived once the blame game starts. If they are serious about marriage, they need to talk about this. It is entirely possible that KH's boyfriend is unaware that he even deflects blame as he does. It could be a learned behavior or coping mechanism that he now does purely instinctively. If that's the case, there is a possibility of change. But if he does it knowingly, then the likelihood of a healthy marriage swiftly dwindles.

Rev. Graham: Yes, you should be concerned, and one reason is because if you do get married, he'll probably end up blaming you whenever he thinks anything is wrong.

Good advice. But now time for some more good advice for this particular situation, but is also quite ironic...

But I suspect other problems are involved here, too. Someone who's blind to his or her faults is driven by pride, and may even get angry or upset when others disagree with them.

Like many of the believers I've encountered in my debates?

They also resist changing their ways, even when it would be in their best interest.

Like every believer that has been adamant that they can't be wrong, and would never consider that they could be wrong?

Instead of accepting personal responsibility for their decisions and actions, they stubbornly insist that their way is always best, even when it obviously isn't.

Like all the believers that ignore or deny any evidence that is layed out before them? That refuse to consider examples of the terrible flaws in Biblical morality and the benefits of  man-made morality?

Yes, it's important that KH gets to the bottom of her boyfriend shifting blame. But Billy must also look inward and take the same stance the next time a Christian group claims that a natural disaster or other terrible act was either the fault of homosexuality, or the tolerating thereof. That they are shifting blame too, when an atheist group wants preaching Christianity taken out of a public school.

The group is not to blame for wanting the law upheld. The blame is with whoever put the preaching where it didn't belong in the first place, and those that fight to continue the violation of the law.

So don't try and shift blame. Own your mistakes and learn from them. That goes for everyone. Including Christianity...

-Brain Hulk

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