Billy Graham: Living Together

QUESTION: I want to get married, but my boyfriend says we need to live together to see if it’s going to work out. He says all our friends do it, and I guess he’s right, but I’m not sure I want to go down this road. What is your advice? — K. McG.

In my opinion, what your friends are doing doesn't really matter. But with that said, I agree with K's boyfriend. Marrying someone is a big decision, so isn't it a great idea to make sure you really know that person and are truly compatible before deciding to spend the rest of your like with that person?

I didn't move in with my wife, but I did stay with her on the weekends when we were dating. By spending so much time with her, I was able to get to know her incredibly well. This knowledge made it clear that we were very compatible, and that living together post-marriage wouldn't be a problem. And more importantly, it underscored that marriage was a good idea, and not something that would immediately blow up in our face.

ANSWER: It may be popular with some of your friends, but for both practical and spiritual reasons I strongly urge you not to go down the road your boyfriend is urging you to take.

For terrible religious reasons no doubt...

On a practical level, the problem with simply living together is that there’s no real commitment, either to each other or to marriage. What’s to keep your boyfriend from deciding he doesn’t want to be tied down, and suddenly casting you aside? Or what’s to keep you from leaving after a minor disagreement (as happens in almost any relationship)? The answer is simple: precisely nothing.

What world is Billy From? Moving in together is a big step in a relationship. It is a step people take after they have already been dating for a while. How is there no commitment? It is usually the last step prior to a proposal, so by time a couple lives together, they are pretty damn committed to one another. And what of Billy's scenarios? They are also silly because they can happen if you without moving in together too. Couples can split ways, have a relationship with another, or fight whether they are living together or not.

But here's the point Billy doesn't seem to realize. Even if this does happen, it was a good thing. Isn't it better to find out that you can't live with someone before you get married rather than after? Billy often speaks ill of divorce, so he should be in favor of moving in together since it can actually help avoid divorce. But perhaps that's too much logic for him to comprehend...

But I also hope you’ll avoid this for spiritual reasons. God gave marriage to us for our happiness and mutual help, and in His eyes it’s a solemn commitment to be faithful to each other, no matter what happens.

No, for the one-thousandth time,God didn't give us marriage. Marriage far predates Christianity, and may even predate religion of any type. And if it's supposed to be such a solemn commitment, why does God allow divorce if the man finds his wife displeasing?

This is why the Bible commands us to avoid sexual relations outside of marriage.

Here's the thing though... It doesn't. Well, if you are a man that is. The Bible only commands sexual 'purity' from women. But that's partially because a virgin is worth more than a non virgin daughter. Dad has to make money off this after all. But do men have to practice sexual purity? A reading of the Bible doesn't place males with the same requirement. Heck, a man can rape an unwed woman and his only punishment is to pay her father and marry her. The Bible does talk about about the vague subject of fleeing 'sexual immorality'. But that could include any number of things.

Only then can true love flourish, and only then will your relationship grow stronger over the years.

But love can flourish by saving sex until after marriage and finding out that you aren't compatible at all?

At the moment, your boyfriend’s suggestion may be very tempting, but it’s filled with uncertainty and great risk, as many have discovered, to their sorrow. 

How the hell is wanting to move in together a decision filled with uncertainty? It's a choice one makes when they are sure they want to take the relationship to the next logical step. Yes, there is risk, but so is marriage. But what will create more sorrow... Moving in together and having it not work out, or getting married and having it not work out? I think that the answer to that one should be rather obvious.

-Brain Hulk

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