Blame the wife...

Sometimes a marriage may not be going well. And sometimes the wife makes the poor decision of asking Billy Graham for advice...

Q:My husband says he loves me, but all he's really interested in is his job. He always brings work home and often spends weekends working, and no matter how much I get after him, things never change. Is it time for me to move on? -- Mrs. K.G.

Does he have to work from home? Are finances stressed to the point where he feels that he doesn't have any other option? Or is he simply needlessly fixated on his job and is ignoring KG's pleas? The context makes all the difference in the world in a situation like this.

Pro tip: This is true for more than just cheating.

A: I sincerely hope that in spite of the problems you face you won't give in to the temptation to end your marriage. Instead, I hope you'll do everything you possibly can to rekindle the love you once had, and even strengthen it -- with God's help.

And what makes him think that she hasn't already been doing everything she can? To me, writing
Billy about a question like this stinks of desperation. So I find the assumption that she's not already trying to save her marriage quite odd.

And I believe this is possible, although to be honest, it may not be easy. Because your husband is so absorbed in his work, much of the burden to change your relationship may be on your shoulders, at least at first. But don't be discouraged; it will be worth it. Nor do you need to feel you are alone, because God loves you and wants to help you. And He will, as you turn to Christ and seek His wisdom and help.

Well Christ has been doing a bang up job helping her out so far... Also, if the relationship is to be saved it's going to have the be a unified task, and not just KG. It is also important to figure out why he brings home so much work. Is the job that much work, or is he spending his days not working as much as he should due to a workplace affair or other issue and is working after-hours so it appears he is getting all his work done as what's expected of him?

First, make it your goal to be the best wife you can possibly be. Let your husband know you love him, and back up your words with your actions. An unhappy, tension-filled home will drive almost any spouse away. Instead, make a determined effort to avoid complaining or faultfinding, and express appreciation whenever you can. The Bible says, "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife" (Proverbs 21:19).

Sorry, but this sounds a lot like Billy blaming KG for the state of their marriage. "Oh your husband isn't paying you enough attention? Maybe if you where a better wife..."  It's as if Billy has just assumed that KG is ultimately at fault. Actually, it reminds me of when Pat Robertson got a question about a husband having an affair and his reply was essentially "He's a man, what do you expect. Be a better wife so he won't stray again and deal with it." I would say these attitudes are shocking, but then again, when you look at Biblical attitudes toward women they actually fit right in...


-Brain Hulk

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