Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Parents without pregnancy

We find ourselves once more on the topic of parenthood. My wife and I have been married for almost five years now and are still child-free. This topic came up at a recent dinner gathering. A woman that none of us are fond of decided to start peppering my wife with questions at one point during the night's proceedings.

'Are you going to have kids?' 'Do you have plans for kids?' 'Is it his idea to not have kids yet or yours?' I came into the room at the end of the conversation and this woman had come to the apparent conclusion that I just didn't want kids and was forcing that view onto my wife. It didn't bother me much, as I am used to this person having insane opinions. So we just stuck to our usual reply that we are okay with not having kids now, and will think about it in the future.

She still didn't let it go and continued on about how women can't wait as long as men. That the longer you wait the tougher it is for the woman. We simply stated that we're not talking about waiting a decade to reconsider, just a couple years or so. And so we just left it at that.

It wasn't until the next day that I heard the first half of the conversation, and that's the part that really pissed me off. Apparently she started the conversation with my wife by accusing me of not giving her kids. Because, as she said to my wife, 'women always want kids', 'it's a woman's purpose to have kids', 'if you are a woman and don't want a child, there's something wrong with you'. All incredibly judgmental and ridiculous statements that made my wife feel bad because she doesn't want to have a kid right now either. We are both happy being married and having only our cats to take care of.

Here we have a woman that is actually reducing the female persuasion to no more than baby factories with no other real purpose. Sorry, but in my opinion it's the person with that view that has something wrong with them. There's nothing broken about my wife just because she isn't in a rush to get pregnant.

Then there's the common claim that you're just being selfish if you don't give birth to a child. In my estimation that's absolute bollocks! Because here we have a woman who has also stated that they couldn't love a child that wasn't blood the same as one she gave birth too. That an adopted child wouldn't really be her child. To me, this strange fixation of blood trumping all is the real illustration of being selfish.

My wife and I have already discussed this, and when we decide the time is right for children, we plan to adopt. Rather than add to an already over-populated Earth, we will make the selfless choice to love a child as if it were our own genetic offspring. There are currently about 400,000 children in the US foster care system (120,000 are orphans). Somewhere around 100,000 children enter the system
annually, while 20,000 reach the age of 18 having never been adopted (many become homeless or incarcerated due to this). Sadly, only about 7,000 children are adopted each year (many from overseas) so the foster care population only continues to grow.

So if and when we decide to become parents, we will give a child that does not have the love or stability that every child should have a home. Rather than focusing on genetics, we will focus on loving that child and bringing them up as if they had always been ours. I wish that more people today took that path, instead of mainly those that can't conceive. So far as we know, my wife and I have no such roadblock, but feel that adopting instead of conceiving would be the responsible thing to do.

So to the woman who thinks she can do no wrong... We will not heed your advice, and shall ignore your ugly opinions. For when the time comes, we will make the special and loving choice you never could.

-Brain Hulk

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