Friday, April 11, 2014

Don't do it!

We all know that person. The one that whenever the topic of marriage comes up they'll start to badmouth the very idea of marriage. I know that when I got engaged, I heard from a few people who's only response was, "Don't do it!"

Invariably, these marriage naysayers have been married, but then it all went wrong and got divorced, or they are stuck in an unhappy relationship. I suppose that it's fair enough that they don't want others to repeat their mistakes. But is marriage really the enemy here? I don't think so. Actually, I think the real concern shouldn't be over marriage in general, but the reasons for wanting to get married. In my opinion, if you want to get married for the right reasons, you shouldn't allow others to stifle that desire.

But what if it does go bad? As Alfred Lord Tennyson once said, "'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." I think these are very wise words indeed. Those that were once married and now denounce marriage are focusing only on the negative end. What about the love that they once shared? Why act as though those years were meaningless just because it eventually all came to an end? Are they really suggesting that all things that come to an end are pointless?

I love my wife, and I hope that we grow old together. But should something happen that causes us to go our separate ways, would I regret our marriage? No. Simple as that. These past years have been wonderful. I love my wife and wouldn't trade the time we've had together for anything. While the pain of separation would hurt, those days would still be the the fondest of memories. So why dislike marriage so much? Because it might end?

But is it really?
Or is it just the bonus level?
Not doing something due to impermanence is a terrible standard to go by. Your sandwich won't lastforever, so why bother eating. Your pet will eventually die, so don't bother having one. Your shoes will only wear out, so don't buy any. And you won't live forever, so why bother living at all... As you can see, giving value only to the eternal leaves everything void of value.

So if your marriage fails, don't blame marriage. There were other factors that are actually to blame. Instead, make the most informed choices you can, and focus on the positive. Every cloud does have a silver lining somewhere. I know it sounds cliché, but things are rarely as bad as they seem. Remember the good times, and even the bad as well. For it's the totality of those experiences that makes us who we are.

-Brain Hulk

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