Do all you can to reach out to your estranged daughter
DEAR BILLY GRAHAM: Our daughter’s husband walked out on her and it’s really been hard, especially since she has two small children and has to work. We’d like to help somehow, but we’ve not had the best of relationships with our daughter (especially since we urged her not to marry this man), and we don’t know what to do. Any suggestions? — Mrs. K.W.
DEAR K.W.: Almost nothing is harder than being a single parent, and my heart goes out to your daughter and to all who find themselves in this situation. I hope churches will do more to reach out and welcome those who are single parents (both men and women).
It’s not only hard physically and financially for your daughter, but emotionally, also, as she faces the trauma of divorce. All too often today we think divorce is a quick and easy solution to a difficult marriage, but it seldom is.
The feelings of hurt, rejection and bitterness that often accompany divorce create wounds that may take years to heal — if ever. No wonder God has said, “‘The man who hates and divorces his wife … does violence to the one he should protect.’ … So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful” (Malachi 2:16).
What can you do? Frankly, it may be difficult to bridge the gap between you and your daughter because of what you once did; perhaps others will learn from your experience. Do all you can, however, to let your daughter know you love her and want to help her.
Don’t bring up the past; you can’t change it, and dredging up what you see as your daughter’s mistakes will only cause more hurt.
In addition, suggest some practical ways you might help her — keeping the children occasionally, doing her laundry, taking her a meal, etc. Pray for her, also, that she will turn to Christ and learn to give her burdens and cares to him.
And this is one of the rare cases where Graham is actually mostly right. He tells her to set differences and the past aside, and to help out however they can. Good advice for once! I think I almost fainted.
Seriously though, there was one Biblical reference that I feel needs pointing out. Graham says:
The feelings of hurt, rejection and bitterness that often accompany divorce create wounds that may take years to heal — if ever. No wonder God has said, “‘The man who hates and divorces his wife … does violence to the one he should protect.’ … So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful” (Malachi 2:16).It seems to be his intention to show the Bible as being anti-divorce and to show KW's former son-in-law in a negative an un-Biblical light. I can agree that just walking out on a marriage is pretty damn low. But was he really going against the Bible?
Let's see what Deuteronomy 24:1-4 has to say about divorce...
If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.So according to the Bible, her former husband may be perfectly justified in the eyes or 'the lord', depending on why he left. So while the advice given was pretty good, Graham had to dash in a little bit of deceptiveness in as well.
-Brain Hulk
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