Manly man?

This was a different chain email I received. It's 'the rules' according to men. So let's see how I stack up to these 'rules'...

Men's Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( It's pretty good.)
We always hear ' the rules '
From the female side
Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. These are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!

So the list is labeled strangely, and technically incorrectly on purpose? Not a good start...

1. Men are NOT mind readers

My wife would actually argue I'm very much 'in her head'. Be it the odd ball meal she's thinking of, and idea she has, or just knowing something she wants, it's sometimes like I'm reading her mind. Obviously, I'm not actually reading her mind. But I know her well enough that I really don't need to a lot of the time.  Score = 0

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

I don't get this one either. Leave the seat up? Leave it down? I actually go a step further. Seat and lid are always left down when not in use. I personally think it just looks better that way. Plus, we have cats...  Score = 0

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon

Or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

Sunday football... I don't even really watch it, so I'm not going to schedule my day around it. I will say that I would rather watch my English Premier League games on Saturdays (and sometimes other days), than miss them. If there's nothing important to do, I'll plan around the Manchester United game. But if there's something important to do and I have to miss it, than I have to miss it. Score = 0.5

1. Crying is blackmail.

What? When my wife cries, it's because something is wrong, and she's genuinely upset. Not that she's trying to get something out of me.  Score = 0

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

I don't know... Hints of varying degrees usually work for me, so long as I'm not tiered or stressed. Personally, I don't find hints too hard to pick up on. Score = 0

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Maybe I'm strange, but I like detail and accuracy. To me, most times 'yes' or 'no' leaves out far too much detail. I like to be as accurate and thorough as possible so I almost always reply in more than a one syllable utterance. Score = 0

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

Really, that doesn't sound very loving. Yes, I try to help my wife solve problems. But I also genuinely sympathize with her when she's down, feeling ill, or is sharing a story about something she's been through or dealing with. Score = 0.5

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

False. While I may not remember something I said six months ago, I'll admit to it if I remember. But whether the context then is in line with teh context of the new conversation would have to remain to be seen. Score = 0

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

What's wrong with her asking, and what's wrong with an honest answer? Awww, is someone afraid? Score = 0

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

Actually, I mean the one that I meant, not automatically the one that keeps me out of trouble. I feel that honesty is usually the best policy. Sometimes hard truths have to be faced to makes things better, or make progress on something. I'd rather tell my wife the parts of a project that I don't really care for, than go for brownie points and tell her that it looks perfect when I know full well the client is going to kick it back. Score = 0

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

What about if she knows how, but isn't physically capable? I will say that I will try or fulfill a request 'my way' first. But sometimes I'm stubborn and I need her to pull my head out of the sand and point me in the right direction. What's so wrong with that. Or maybe it's tough for some to admit that they aren't perfect. Score = 0

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

We don't really watch much TV, and when we do, we may talk a little during a show or movie. Score = 0

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

Um... Yes, Columbus needed directions. He REALLY needed directions. Columbus set out to sail to Asia and instead landed in the Bahamas. In fact, he maintained until his death that he 'knew' that he had sailed to Asia. Not only was he about 9,500 miles from his destination, he was adamant that he made it to Asia all along. That sounds more like the guy that drives around for hours claiming that he is not lost and is following a ;shortcut'. While I do have a pretty good sense of direction, I do get turned around sometimes when in unfamiliar surroundings. It doesn't happen much, but why should I be offended if my wife can save me from making a wrong turn? Score = 0

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

16 colors as Windows default... How old is this list?! Maybe it's because I'm a graphic designer, but Peach, Pumpkin and Mauve are colors to me. Score = 0

1. If it itches, it will be scratched..
We do that.

Depends where I am. If I'm in public, I resist. If not, I'll scratch. Score = 0.5

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

While I do know that 'nothing' almost always means 'something', I don't just ignore it to avoid a 'hassle'. Why? Because I genuinely care. I want to know what's wrong or what's bothering her. Usually, my wife doesn't want to tell me because she's embarrassed, or is afraid to hurt my feelings. But I don't care... hurt my feelings. I'm interested in making things better for both of us. Genuine growth outweighs lazy avoidance every day for me. Score = 0

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

This one fits. Keep it honest! Score = 1

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

Depends on where we're going. Shopping at Target... Yeah, pretty much anything works. But if we're going to a nice dinner, a ratty old t-shirt isn't going to cut it. Score = 0.5

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as hunting, fishing, golfing, or something with wheels.

Hunting? Nope. Fishing? Nope. Golf? Nope. Cars? I'll give you that one, but it's actually not all the often that's what the topic of conversation would be. If my wife were to randomly ask me what I was thinking, it would more often than not be theology, politics, science, work, the current project I'm working on, or the book I'm currently reading. Score = 0.5 (being generous here)

1. You have enough clothes.

Sounds about right. Score = 1

1. You have too many shoes.

Winston has the right idea!

Fair enough. Score = 1

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

I have next to no body fat. But that's more down to my metabolism than anything else. SO I'm definitely not 'round'. But I know that I could stand to gain some muscle and knock some of the rust off and get in a bit better shape. Score = 0.5

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

My wife has never kicked me to the couch. And camping is not for me... Score = 0

(Do I get any bonus points for working on my own car?)

So lets look at the tally. I scored   6 out of 23. Does that mean I'm about 26% 'man'? So be it. To me, 'being a man' doesn't mean rough, tough, and gruff. It means making the hard choices and standing by your guns for what is right. It means supporting and caring for those you love, not sitting in ambivalence. I'd rather be the caring open man that my wife loves, than the one this list describes any day.

-Brain Hulk

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